A Thousand Paper Craniums

Bragging Rights?

2007-01-14T13:18:00.000-07:00

Does bragging about one's community, rather than one's self, indicate a lack of humility?

Is it better or worse to brag about something you had very little to do with?

Albuquerque has had 21 people complete the sequence of courses since Ridvan. Is this not RIDICULOUSLY EXCITING? This puts us at fortysomething.

We are so close to meeting our goal of 50 by the Reflection on January 27. So close ...

We can taste the A, but who knows if we'll make it this cycle? Nobody wants to wait until April to start our real growth. All we can do is teach, tutor, and pray ...

Service --> Teaching --> Service ...

2006-12-06T07:52:00.000-07:00

It's never really occurred to me before what an incredibly effective teaching tool the year of service is. Not in the sense of teaching work done as part of one's service, but in the very concept itself. Twice this week youth I know have become noticably more interested in the Baha'i Faith when they learned about the concept of the year of service.

It makes sense, in today's world. But I hadn't thought of it before.

All the more reason for me to follow through with this decision.

Gracias, Merci, Thanks

2006-11-28T07:58:00.000-07:00

Cognates, you gotta love them. I always think about the relationship between thankfulness, grace, and mercy when I see these words. I feel like I come so close to understanding it, but then it slips out of my mind. Oh well, maybe in the next world.

But this is not what I intended to post. Thanksgiving was on Thursday, and I want to offer some thanks.

I am SO THANKFUL for my incredible teaching team! We had Thanksgiving dinner together. Shannon, Kristopher, Daniel, Caroline, and myself make up this most incredible Baha'i family. We were also joined on Thanksgiving day by Caroline's family and Jalal, and also by Mr. Kavelin, whose grave we went to visit across the street. How many people get to spend the holidays with a Universal House of Justice member?

Anyhow, the five of us are called The Wayfarers, after the quote from the Baha'i Writings that essentially serves as our mission statement (and seeing as how we've done most of our Ruhi together, it makes sense for us to focus on a quote that's repeated over again in half the books!).

"O wayfarer in the path of God! Take thou thy portion of the ocean of His grace, and deprive not thyself of the things that lie hidden in its depths. Be thou of them that have partaken of its treasures. A dewdrop out of this ocean would, if shed upon all that are in the heavens and on the earth, suffice to enrich them with the bounty of God, the Almighty, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise. With the hands of renunciation draw forth from its life-giving waters, and sprinkle therewith all created things, that they may be cleansed from all man-made limitations and may approach the mighty seat of God, this hallowed and resplendent Spot.

"Be not grieved if thou performest it thyself alone. Let God be all-sufficient for thee. Commune intimately with His Spirit, and be thou of the thankful. Proclaim the Cause of thy Lord unto all who are in the heavens and on the earth. Should any man respond to thy call, lay bare before him the pearls of the wisdom of the Lord, thy God, which His Spirit hath sent down unto thee, and be thou of them that truly believe. And should any one reject thine offer, turn thou away from him, and put thy trust and confidence in the Lord, thy God, the Lord of all worlds.

"By the righteousness of God! Whoso openeth his lips in this Day and maketh mention of the name of his Lord, the hosts of Divine inspiration shall descend upon him from the heaven of My name, the All-Knowing, the All-Wise. On him shall also descend the Concourse on high, each bearing aloft a chalice of pure light. Thus hath it been foreordained in the realm of God's Revelation, by the behest of Him Who is the All-Glorious, the Most Powerful."
(Baha'u'llah, Gleanings from the Writings of Baha'u'llah, p. 279)

Right now we're in something of a consolidation phase, as Shannon and I help the other members get through the sequence of courses as quickly and thoroughly as possible. But we have 4 devotional gatherings, 2 Ruhi Book 1's, and a junior youth group between us. We are starting to teach up a storm! Kristopher and Caroline are both finishing up Book 7, so will have just doubled our tutors! Amazing things will come of The Wayfarers, believe me. Amazing things already have.

Births.

2006-10-20T22:12:00.000-06:00

Today was the anniversary of the birth of the Bab, and my friend Daniel declared last night after the Holy Day observance. It was his rebirthday, the second anniversary of the car crash that left him in a coma. When he finally awoke after three weeks, he learned that:

Bush had been re-elected president.
His long hair had been cut.
He had a brain injury.
The awful depression that had led to his not bothering about a seatbelt in the first place had ...

disappeared.

He also suddenly came to a realization. There must be one universal God, and the Prophets must all come from the same source.

Daniel had almost died, and considered himself reborn.

Two years later to the day, he declared his belief in Baha'u'llah.

How lucky we are to know him.

Connections

2006-10-14T10:38:00.000-06:00

I love making connections. This is one of the reasons I can never remember which quote comes from what book, because in my head, it's always connected to five other quotes from five other books, and I can never remember where I read any of those, either ...

This is why I'm not an academic. My citations are a mess.

But I made a connection recently that I found important enough to share here. The connection between purpose and duty.

In the Short Obligatory Prayer we are given, in simple and unavoidable language, the purpose of our existence:

I bear witness, O my God, that Thou hast created me to know Thee and to worship Thee.
(Baha'u'llah, Prayers and Meditations by Baha'u'llah, p. 313)

(Ocean did that citation for me. I love technology!)

And in the opening paragraph of the Kitab-i-Aqdas, we are given our duties as human creations of God:

The first duty prescribed by God for His servants is the recognition of Him Who is the Dayspring of His Revelation and the Fountain of His laws, Who representeth the Godhead in both the Kingdom of His Cause and the world of creation. Whoso achieveth this duty hath attained unto all good; and whoso is deprived thereof hath gone astray, though he be the author of every righteous deed. It behoveth every one who reacheth this most sublime station, this summit of transcendent glory, to observe every ordinance of Him Who is the Desire of the world. These twin duties are inseparable. Neither is acceptable without the other. Thus hath it been decreed by Him Who is the Source of Divine inspiration.
(Baha'u'llah, The Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 18)

To know God and to worship God. To recognize the Manifestation and to observe His ordinances. How are these concepts connected? Let's start by unpacking the first two.

How can one know God? In the Kitab-i-Iqan (Ha! I'm getting better at this!), we are told that God is an "Unknowable Essence." That would seem to put a damper on the purpose of life! But we are also told that in order to know God, we need only look to the Manifestation. `Abdu'l-Baha gives us the metaphor of the sun and the mirror:

Lastly the perfect man, the Prophet, is one who is transfigured, one who has the purity and clearness of a perfect mirror -- one who reflects the Sun of Truth. Of such a one -- of such a Prophet and Messenger -- we can say that the Light of Divinity with the heavenly Perfections dwells in him.
(Abdu'l-Baha, Abdu'l-Baha in London, p. 23)

So, in order to know God, we must know the Manifestation. But how can you know someone you do not even recognize? The first purpose and the first duty are inseperably linked.

To worship God. What does it mean? What is prayer? What is worship?

the holy ecstasy of prayer may fill our souls - a prayer that shall rise above words and letters and transcend the murmur of syllables and sounds
(Compilations, Baha'i Prayers, p. 69)

To pray is not to read psalms. To pray is to trust in God and to be submissive in all things to Him.
(H.M. Balyuzi, Abdu'l-Baha - The Centre of the Covenant, p. 214)

work, especially when performed in the spirit of service, is according to Bahá'u'lláh a form of worship. It has not only a utilitarian purpose, but has a value in itself, because it draws us nearer to God, and enables us to better grasp His purpose for us in this world.
(Shoghi Effendi's notes on The Kitab-i-Aqdas, p. 192)

So if prayer and worship are not limited by the words of our mouths or even the meditations of our hearts, but are expanded to encompass all actions done in service and submission, what does this say about worship? I don't think that it is any kind of stretch to say that to worship God means to follow the ordinances of the Manifestation of God for this day. Another link snaps into place.

Is there a difference between duty and purpose? The purpose of a cup is to hold water. If it is not used for holding water, it is useless as a cup. If it is no longer able to hold water, it ceases to be a cup. But the one thing the cup cannot do is refuse to hold water when it is able. Thus, the cup does not have a duty that can be carried out.

We are human beings, not cups. We can choose not to recognize God's Manifestation. We can choose not to follow His Laws. But, if our duty is connected to our purpose, if our purpose is essentially to fulfill our duties, what does it mean for our existence when we choose this as a path? When a cup breaks and no longer holds water, it is no longer a cup, but scattered pieces of ceramic. Perhaps when we choose to avoid our duties, we cease to be fully human. Maybe this is the origin of so much of the world's despair.

I keep working on getting my pieces back together, gluing the connections that make me something worthwhile, a cup with the ability to hold. I like making connections.

After all, it's what I was created for.

A Note to Baha'i Communities

2006-10-01T13:15:00.000-06:00

For future reference, when a travel-teacher comes to your town and offers to do anything to help support the efforts of the Five Year Plan, here are some good ideas:

Tutor an intensive.
Help believers deepen on the December 27 letter.
Discuss the new Junior Youth Groups and where they fit into a comprehensive scheme of lifelong Baha'i education, sharing personal experiences as an Animator.
Share her community's experiences with the decentralization of the core activities.

Especially if these are some things she offered to do in her email.

When a travel-teacher comes anymore, she is not looking to give an introductory talk on the Faith to one seeker and a group of Baha'is, who are perfectly capable of doing the Book 6 practices on their own. She is not looking to have a proclamation event to which she can provide absolutely followup. Those days are far in the past, folks. What this DOES tell me is that the community here needs more help than I thought.

Of course, now I have to figure out what to say.

Hm.

The Time Zone Dilema

2006-10-01T07:37:00.000-06:00

I've been in my hometown for less than a day, and I'm already missing the Baha'is! Everyone in this area is out of town for Unit Convention right now; I meant to go myself, but didn't get in touch in time to get a ride, and I have no way of getting to Kent on my own. I've half a mind to call up Shannon and get a quick faith-fix, but it's only 7:30 there yet. The time zone dilema! I promise I'll never complain about all my friends being on Eastern Standard Time again. Just let the New Mexicans wake up, please!

I can't imagine what international pioneers must go through. I feel spread thin with bits of my life smeared across every corner of one country. Simultaneously missing half the world? That's some strength.

Meetings and Insight and Stories, Oh My!

2006-09-17T20:27:00.000-06:00

I know I haven't updated this blog in a long time, but I've needed to spend some time in self-reflection (as opposed to God-knows-who's-reading-this reflection).

Yesterday was a flurry of cleaning as we discovered that a Continental Counselor was coming to our devotional gathering today! Would I have been just as excited about any other unexpected out-of-town company? Maybe. I'd like to think so, anyhow.

There was a businessy meeting with him today, which I went to. I'm still not sure why I was there, as he intended to meet with the Core Group, of which I'm not a part. It was definitely directed towards people with certain responsibilities in the community, and my main role as of late has been to keep my nose out of their business as much as possible, considering that it consists of my roommate and almost the entire campus association. I'm not responsible for any statistics except those of my own groups, I'm not part of any group with any decision-making power, and I'm not even in any sort of position where if I wanted to encourage people that they would listen to me. So it was mildly awkward, and I kept wondering if I'd been invited just to keep me from bugging everyone afterwards to find out what was said.

A few things were said, though, that really struck me.

Jalal talked about always having read in the Writings about the importance of traveling to teach the Faith, and how, when he returned from his year of service, he found it difficult to focus on building momentum in our state's strongest cluster instead of travelling to different communities. He said "In `Abdu'l-Baha's time, we travelled across countries to teach. Now we travel across the street. But it's still travelling!"

To which Michael replied, "And you don't have to pack as much."

That was insight number one.

The second was about encouragement, and what to do with people who are trying to be obedient, but due to lack of understanding of the current guidance, aren't quite doing what's been asked. Of course, gently deepening these people is important. But more important was this idea: if it's advancing the process of entry by troops, don't stop. Use that momentum, and in time it will be easy to guide it in a more appropriate direction. Never squash enthusiasm, however misguided, for any reason; it's one of our most precious resources.

Now, for a shout-out. I just want to publicly ~~humiliate~~ thank my two study circles for being the best groups EVER. Book 6 for their absolute dedication to forming a teaching team, even though we don't know how exactly they're supposed to work yet, and Book 1 for having the most profoundly educational and insightful discussions of my life. You guys give me faith in this process when I start to feel the creeping disease of cynicism coming on. Go. You.

Now, two stories for your reading pleasure.

My roommate Shannon has been hanging out with a young seeker whose father just declared. Actually, she'd have happily declared herself a Baha'i after her first fireside, but her father insisted she study more and put more thought into it. She's an amazingly pure soul, but struggling with the spiritual transformation that's taken her by storm. She said, "I believe this, but I don't know why." Shannon, to offer her comfort, told her the story of how Baha'u'llah became a devoted follower of the Bab after reading only one page of His Writings. Having tutored Book 4 something like half a dozen times, it was this incident that really made her realize how important it was to the community to memorize these stories. Ah, Ruhi wisdom.

Now another, for my tutor friends.

It is said that Alexander the Great won many battles by running, alone, straight at the enemy. Terrified that their general had gone crazy, his entire army would chase after him to protect him. The enemy saw only an entire army running towards them, apparently without fear. They always retreated.

Interpret at will.

I will try and be more conscientious about updating in the future. Sorry about the hiatus!

Practice makes more practice, inspiring others to practice.

2006-06-19T10:47:00.000-06:00

Since perfect isn't an option, why not enjoy the ride?

I'm sorry that I haven't updated in so long, but my internet habit has been curbed to once a week. So little time! But it's a good thing; I was far too addicted.

My roommates and I did a Book 2 home visit to Linda's house last week. Her Christian nephew was there, as well as her ... great-grandniece, I think. I the girl was almost two years old, and beautiful in every way. She kept wanting to show us the "woo-woo" (dog) in the back yard, and smiling deliciously whenever somebody looked her way. I'm so lucky that I get to work with toddlers every day. The visit was amazingly successful. The trick to it is to just rely on the Word of God as much as possible, and let the interest of your host guide discussions. I like to have a simple analogy on hand for most quotes just in case I feel like they're appropriate, but I don't always use them. One that I used on this visit was with relation to loving the people for the sake of God and not for themselves.

In the preschool/daycare where I work, my one-year-olds sometimes do "art". Really, it's just a fine motor skill exercise at this point, and something to please the parents. A little crayon, a little watercolor, and you've got a picture. Objectively speaking, I can't call them attractive. The colors clash (if there's even more than one), the strokes are awkward and always clumped at the bottom of the page. If I'm being totally honest about their value in the world of people, they're rubbish. And yet I treasure these drawings and hang them proudly in the hallway for everyone to see. Why? Because I love and cherish the creators of these drawings, and I love the artwork for their sakes.

Now sometimes, these very same artists make me crazy. The get cranky, yet fight sleep. They steal toys from other children, and then scream, flail, and even bite the child who tries to take them back. They poop all day, throw food, and occasionally puke on me, and I'm expected to clean it all up. Yet through all this, I love them. I love them for the sake of the Artist that created them. And when the diaper pail is shut and the tantrum is over and a little one is sleeping in my arms, I'm glad that I remembered the One for whose sake I am asked to care for all humanity.

*

We also had our first devotional gathering in our new apartment this weekend. Three people came, including one junior youth. Yay! We said prayers, made crepes, then went off to swim. They're going to be two Sundays every month, at 10:30, in case you happen to be in the area. The other two Sundays will be devotions at Sjona and Jason's house. If there's a fifth Sunday ... that will be in the hands of God. Or whoever feels up to it. But aren't those really the same thing?

*

I've finally finished the Ruhi sequence of courses! After having done every single book out of order, I'm now fully trained. I'm going to be tutoring Book 3 at the Independence Day Weekend Intensive at the Baha'i Center. I can't wait!

*

In other news, I'm learning how to play the guitar! I bought myself a classical guitar with the damage deposit I got back from my old apartment, and Mark is teaching me to play it. I can only practice for 5 or 10 minutes a day at this point, because my fingers start to hurt. But I'm so excited!

There was a huge fire at my apartment complex last night. We saw smoke and sparks from our apartment (the far south side of the complex) coming from the north side. We ran over to see, and the storage area where they keep refridgerators, lawn equipment, and things like that was up in flames. One tree was completely burned, and the electric pole was charred, but no residential buildings and no cars in the lot were hurt. There were four firetrucks out there. I haven't been back to see it. Last night I dreamed that my building was burning, and the things I grabbed were a blanket, my cat, and my guitar. Upon waking, I wondered at the fact that I didn't reach for any Baha'i stuff or personal remembrancers, but I think I made the right decisions. My grandfather made other paintings, and I'm not going to forget my grandmother just because I don't have her Bible anymore. My Greatest Name, while a powerful symbol, is frequently printed. My own, while more unique, long ago served its economic purpose by enabling a Fijian woman to go to the opening of the Terraces. Nothing truly important would have been lost. I'd still have a way to make music, someone to care for, and a warm place to sleep. My subconscious is so smart. ;)

My web time is almost up. If you're interested, our teaching team is doing another home visit next week. Come practice with us!

I Prayed for Changes

2006-05-17T19:04:00.000-06:00

"For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened." -Matthew, 7:8

Lots of changes are happening right now. My best friend is moving here in two weeks. I need to be ready to move into our new apartment by then. There's a new puppy in my life. My friendly free internet access has moved 3 miles away. People are getting married like there's no tomorrow. If all things go well, I'll be starting a new job next week. It seems like ages ago that I prayed for my life to change.

Things are changing in my Baha'i community as well. People are starting to become more focused on the institute process. Consultation is brief and to the point. It seems like there's not actually much consulting going on; it's more of a sharing. What is everybody doing to advance our cluster? Does anybody need help? Okay, talk to XYZ if you're interested in doing ABC. Have a nice social portion. Since consultation is designed to promote unity of action, I guess this means we're getting pretty united. It's still a frustrating, exhausting process, but it feels good to see the entire community involved in carrying the weight of our responsibility as a whole, rather than leaning so heavily on select committee members as was the pattern in most communities for so many years.

I've been trying to figure out why I still feel so distressed.

My friend Greg recently brought up an excellent point when he experessed concern with the militaristic metaphors that the Baha'i community uses to relate to its duty to humanity ("spiritual conquest" and the like). In a war or conquest, the focus is on how: how will we advance this cluster, how will we bring in these seekers, how will we consolidate these new believers. What wars do not focus on (and I do mean wars proper, not the spokespeople and politicians who must justify them to the public) is why. This is what has been missing from my life. I really need to go back and deepen on The World Order of Baha'u'llah. But that's still a little out of context for my tired heart right now. What I ought to do in order to understand that better is to deepend on The Tablets of the Divine Plan. But even that feels too isolated at the moment to help me understand my community on a soulful level. What my spirit most desperately needs right now is to go back to the source, to immerse myself on a comprehensive (and not just skill-building) level in the Writings enshrined in this Revelation. I need to be reminded in a huge way what this power is that has been released in the world. I need to remember now, not what I should do at this point, but why I am even here.

I need to remember Baha'u'llah.

In my head, there are several hundred readers of this blog smacking their foreheads and saying to one another, "Well, DUH."

But I wasn't raised as a Baha'i. As a newly-declared 15 year old, I deepened myself in my spiritual mother's basement by reading years of back-issues of Brilliant Star, because none of the youth classes were covering the basics. In my rush to catch up, I was constantly in a hurry to read more, to learn more stuff, because then people would accept me as a real Baha'i. As I got older, I felt that the standard of acceptance was to be more involved, to do more stuff, and so I taught children's classes, served on committees, planned conferences and retreats and helped with unit conventions. Then there was this Institute process to think about, and I got trained in Core Curriculum and became a Ruhi facilitator and pushed myself to get through the sequence of courses.

It's been good. I'm glad I did it all. I'll keep doing most of that, too.

But allow me a moment to reflect on the needs of my own soul.

"One hour of reflection is preferable to seventy years of pious worship." -Tablets of Baha'u'llah

I need Baha'u'llah back, not as the focus of my thoughts, which He has been, not as the driving force behind my actions, which I try to make Him,

but as the Love of my life.

I'll be back with more thoughts as I go back to deepen myself more fully on this glorious Revelation.

An Invitation

2006-05-06T20:21:00.000-06:00

Shannon is the best roommate I have ever had. We only lived together for a semester, but it was AMAZING to live in a Baha'i household (or dorm room) for the first time in my life. We hatched a lot of crazy plans together, especially with our friend Rob, who lived just a five minute walk across a lawn from us. Travel teaching almost on a whim, having written our program only a week before leaving, and doing the entire thing while fasting. Driving 8 1/2 hours to Iowa to tutor a Ruhi Book 2 intensive, only to turn around and drive back at the end of the weekend. Creating a huge, 9-pointed star wall hanging utilizing a bedroom sheet, two colors of tempra paint, and the handprints of dozens of virtual strangers who happened to be outside that day. Things like that. Even now, Shannon and I need to talk to one another at least once a week in order to stay inspired. Or stay crazy. That's just the way things are.

A year and a half after I moved to New Mexico and left all my friends and family behind in the Midwest, Shannon is going to be my roommate again. She'll be here in June, and I can't even say how excited I am. Already we're hatching crazy plans over the telephone and e-mail. There is one plan in particular to which I would like to offer a formal invitation. Won't you join us?

THE OBJECTIVE: to memorize every quote from every Ruhi book in one year.

We agreed that it is foolishness to ask study circle participants to memorize when the tutor herself has not done so. And since we have no way of knowing what books we will be called upon to offer as our clusters advance throughout the next 5 Year Plan, the only solution is to learn ALL of them.

So who is with us in this hairbrained scheme? So far, there is a youth in New Jersey and two more in Poland who have signed on.

Baha'u'llah tells us:

"From the texts of the wondrous, heavenly Scriptures they should memorize phrases and passages bearing on various instances, so that in the course of their speech they may recite divine verses whenever the occasion demandeth it, inasmuch as these holy verses are the most potent elixir, the greatest and mightiest talisman."

One year, for this spiritual undertaking.

Allah-u-Abha, friends.

Greatest Gift, Greatest Name

2006-04-21T20:01:00.000-06:00

A couple of years ago, when I still lived in Indiana, I had the bounty of facilitating the most amazing and unique Ruhi study circle I have ever encountered. Held in the kitchen of a college dorm, the very few Baha'is on campus would tag-team to make the circle what it was: one facilitated, one participated, and one baked cookies for the rest of the group. The study circle itself was an amazingly diverse gathering of people from all faith backgrounds and practices. We had Catholics, Quakers, Jews, Buddhists, even a "99% atheist" who insisted on offering his prayers to "God, if You exist" anyway. It took a whole year to get through Book 1, because our discussions on one quote would often go until 11 at night or later. People would constantly drop in, ostensably for the cookies, but they were inevitably drawn into the circle just so that they could join in the conversation. It was wonderful.

One of these remarkable people was Danni.

[Danni prefers that gender-neutral pronouns be used with reference to zim, so I shall respect that here. If it gets confusing and you have questions, leave a comment and I'll help with sorting out the meanings of things.]

Danni is of a Jewish background, although ze has recently become active in the Quaker faith. At some point during our year as a study circle, the subject of the Greatest Name arose. I shared what I knew of the matter at the time: that it was based in the word Baha, translated as Glory or Splendor; that in the Writings of the Baha'i Faith, it often refers to the greeting "Allah-u-Abha," the invocation "Ya Baha'u'l-Abha," and also to Baha'u'llah Himself. I shared the tradition in Islam that taught that there was a hidden, greatest Name of God that was yet to be revealed by God to anyone. To quote:

Religious scholars have related that Alláh has three thousand Names.

One thousand are only known by angels,
1,000 known only by prophets,
300 are in the Torah (Old Testament),
300 are in Zabur (Psalms of David),
300 are in the New Testament,
and 99 are in the Qur’an.
This makes 2,999 Names.
One Name which has been hidden by Alláh is called Ism Alláh al–a’zam:
The Greatest Name of Alláh.

As Baha'is, I explained, we believe that this hidden Name has been revealed.

Danni got very excited about this. Coming from a Jewish background, ze understood on a very deep level the importance of God's hidden Name. There is a great emphasis in that Faith on never attempting to pronounce God's Name. When I was studying Biblical Hebrew, I was taught in the second lesson (after learning the letters!) that when I came across the Name of God in the text, that I should automatically substitute Adonai (Lord) or even just Hashem (The Name). The holiness and utter sanctity of this Name was thereby preserved.

At the end of that night's study, we went around the circle (as was our custom) and each mentioned the most important thing that we would take away with us.

Danni said, "Today I learned that Baha'is can say the Name of God!"

Of everything that ze had learned, that was the most striking of all.

I try and take my example from Danni.

I was 15 when I became a Baha'i. 14 when I first read the name of Baha'u'llah in an informative booklet given to my younger sister by a friend from school. While I'd spent many a night before that looking out my bedroom window and talking to Jesus about my troubles, I never knew enough on my own to yearn for what was known to none. I waited for Baha'u'llah, innocent and unaware, for 14 years.

What of those who have waited for generations?

What of those who read and reread the Qur'an, learning and memorizing the 99 Names, hoping to catch a glimpse through insight or Divine assistance, of that elusive One?

What of those Christians who wonder what new Name Jesus meant when He promised to return?

What of those Jews who realize that the nicknames they give for God are only that, while the secret of God's true Name was kept by a priesthood that has not existed for centuries? Those who realize that God will not abandon His Chosen People, but yearn for the day when their most precious knowledge will be restored?

Can we stand complacent, realizing that we have been named the People of Baha?

We have been given this wonderful, this most great gift. We are called not only to recognize, but also to embody the Most Great Name. Many of the early believers were given new names by the Central Figures of the Faith, but Baha'u'llah has placed this new name upon all those who bear witness to His Revelation. You. Me. The People of Baha. And because we contain this knowledge, and because we embody this gift, the world that is waiting for the Name of God is now waiting for us. There is no one else to bring it.

It took another's awe to make me realize the incredible magnitude of that which God has graciously allowed me to see. Now I can only hope to spend the rest of my life attempting to become worthy of this Gift, this glorious Name.

Long Time, No Post!

2006-04-19T18:12:00.000-06:00

I've meant to post here lately, but I've been caught up in community happenings that are taking up a massive amount of time. Therefore, this post will be utterly informal, fairly disjointed, and full of the craziness that makes up my life.

You have been warned.

On Saturday I went to the Baha'i Center for our Cluster Reflection Gathering, and it looks like things are only going to be getting more intense this summer. It's wonderful! Our cluster has two main goals that we are focusing on at this point:

1. For all people who have only 1 or 2 more uncompleted courses in the Ruhi sequence to finish them by the Martyrdom of the Bab, July 9.

2. As the best birthday present we can think of to offer, to advance to an A Stage Cluster by the Birth of Baha'u'llah, November 12.

As for me, I hope to finish both Books 3 and 6 (yes, I know I'm all out of order! I did 1, 7, 4, 2, then 5 [the new 5, not the old one], and now 3 and 6 simultaneously), organize the June-ior Youth Summer Program (get it? It's in June, and it's for junior you— yeah, maybe it's not that clever after all), and hopefully co-tutor the summer Book 7 intensive, so that I can become qualified to tutor EVERYTHING. Bwahaha. And in the meantime, I'm still looking for a job, teaching the preschool class at Four Corners Baha'i School, and going to TVI.

And people wonder why I haven't updated.

Or rather, they don't. Because I don't know that anybody out there is reading. But hey! It's my goal to become a better writer and blogger, so I get to wonder. What priviledge!

Actually, I do have a new essay in the works. It's about the age of maturity. But it's a very sensitive subject for me, and it's difficult to really ribe tuchus and write the thing when I want to start pacing in agitation.

****

Unrelated self-reflective question #1:
I wonder if anybody else who studies Book 6 is sure that the authors were somehow spying on their thoughts to find just the right material for the bad examples? "You're kidding, she actually thought that? Oooh, let's put that in for sure!" I am equal parts humbled, embarrassed, and amused.

Unrelated self-reflective question #2:
Do I talk too much at Feast? Stephen (who is an assistant to our Auxilliary Board Member for Propagation), didn't realize that I wasn't an Assistant as well. When I corrected him, he was surprised, because I "have so much to say." Does coming off as an authority of sorts when I'm definitely NOT mean that I should ease up? Or, since Assistants are supposed to encourage and focus the community at large, does it just mean that I'm doing a good job? I've always had a problem with this. When I first went off to college, my mother begged me not to argue with any of my professors "for at least a month." I try not to beat people over the head with the latest guidance, because not everybody has access to it, or the free time to study it right away. Kaveh is so patient with everyone, and reminds me that everybody comes around eventually. It's just hard when you care so effing much! I imagine that, in `Abdu'l-Baha's place, I would have gone berserk and started breaking valuables. That, thankfully, is why he is the Perfect Exemplar!

So, new goal. Pray for detachment. Pray for patience. Pray for the ability to see the end in the beginning. Wonderful things really ARE happening in this community. Amazing, exciting, incredible things are just at the point where you can tell it's on the cusp of exploding into something more beautiful than anyone can yet imagine. There is a spirit in the community of being on the very top of the hill; it has been an uphill battle to this point, but pretty soon we will have to run to keep up with the process we worked so hard to begin. I just have to remember that it is my prayers and my actions, not whatever I say to people, that will help to push things over the edge.

Pray to be ready for it when it comes.

That Question Again (in which our hero considers her relationship with the F-word)

2006-04-11T21:24:00.000-06:00

I’m not quite sure why it happens. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been one for keeping up a traditional appearance. I’m that woman with the hassle-free ponytail, wearing comfortable shoes, makeupless, braless, and carrying a purse of the type that would more commonly be referred to as a “man-bag”. On the other hand, you’d think that with all that information, people would figure it obvious. Still, the phenomenon continues, and people are constantly asking me,

“Are you a feminist or something?”

My first flippant reaction (“I am indeed something. Thanks for asking!”) I usually choke back as being pretty rude. Most people honestly want to know. My second reaction, (“Duh,” or one of its more tactful counterparts) is usually what I end up giving to most people, who offer me no indication that they’re interested in an extended explanation of my beliefs on the situation of women in society and how I relate to the sociopolitical movement that has taken on this situation as its mother-cause. I always feel a twinge at this simplistic answer, even though I know it’s the best one given time constraints, and the fact that I would hate to consider myself to be one of the growing “I’m a feminist, but ...” crowd that has been steadily growing among women of my age in an effort to distance themselves from stigma. Strangers thinking poorly of me is nothing new, nor do I worry about it much anymore. It is not that I do not embrace the feminist movement. The guilt from my answer is because the feminist movement is not yet in a place to embrace all of me.

Some feminists see me as being far too passive in my support of womankind. Generally speaking, I do not march, protest, or agitate. I do not tell people who I think they should vote for based on their track record on women’s issues. I do not belong to any feminist lobbying groups, large or small. Many more feminists look on me more kindly, as a feminist in life if not in public. These people tell me that “the personal is political” and point to the nontraditional aspects of my life as a sufficient political statement to get me in the club, as it were. I am very grateful to these latter individuals, who undoubtedly know what it is like to be rejected by a group that claims to want to improve the social position of people just like you. Although these people misunderstand my relationship with feminism, they desire reconciliation. I wish there were more of this in the world.

No, what the feminist movement has failed to grasp is not that I am too moderate for its ideals—it is that I am far, far too radical for its membership. The feminist movement seems so narrow compared to what I envision. They want to raise the status and wellbeing of women in society. I want to rebuild all of society on revolutionary (and revelationary!) new principles, guided by a spirit greater than any that a mere social movement could ever espouse, and raise up a new race of humanity! I believe that, in order for women to realize true equality in their lives, that humanity’s vision of itself needs to change. As long as we are materialistic in our worldview, judgments based on physical differences will continue to perpetuate the myth of sexual (racial, ethnic, national) inferiority. Only when we acknowledge the spiritual nature of humanity and integrate that knowledge into every aspect of society—political, educational, economic—will mere physical differences cease to divide us.

Diversity has become a catchword in many venues, and we have made many leaps forward in its celebration. But diversity isn’t simply nice any more than it is an unfortunate obstacle to overcome. In our differences, we are forced to work harder to grow in spirit, to develop empathy, to see the face of God in every face. My vision for humanity involves recognizing this fact, applying it in our lives, and teaching it to our children so well that it becomes as much an unconcerning given as the fact that the sun rises in the east. For me, the struggle to remember this reality is an enormous part of what it means to live a Baha’i life. `Abdu’l-Baha tells us that “to be a Baha’i simply means to love all the world,” but he also understands how impossible this can be without an understanding of spiritual reality. He tells us, “Let your eyes be directed toward the kingdom of truth and not toward the world of creation. Love the creatures for the sake of God and not for themselves. You will never become angry or impatient if you love them for the sake of God.”

So, perhaps you’re wishing that I’d just tell you whether or not I’m a feminist. It’s been a long post, and you’re getting tired and a bit annoyed.

So maybe my answer is something like this:

“My beliefs on the matter both embrace and transcend the feminist movement as it stands today. I applaud all that it has accomplished, accomplishments that I see as incredibly encouraging signs of the amazing times in which we live. Would you like to hear some more about it? The origins of the energy behind this remarkable change in culture actually lie in Persia, in the 19^th century ...”

Saying Yes: thoughts on singing and life

2006-04-10T18:22:00.000-06:00

I had choir practice last night, which is one of my happiest times in the Bahá’í community. There’s a unity of spirit that exists among a group whose very existence is for the purpose of bringing out the praise of God in the hearts of all who hear it. It’s such a blessing to be able to be a part of such a gathering of souls.

One of the things I love most about our choir is our yes rule. When the director asks something of you, be it “Are you ready to sing?” “Let’s try this,” or “Please stand up,” the answer is always YES—a resounding, enthusiastic YES in imaginary capital letters, no matter how tired or uncertain you may be. This may sound cruel, considering that before a performance the group may spend several hours on its feet during a day, but the difference it makes is remarkable. Instead of each of our own insecurities and differences and hurts scattering us into a chaotic mass, we find support in aligning ourselves together along one will, the will of the director, who desires nothing more than to make us into a better choir. Those who are unsure of the notes find them because the people next to them are singing with all their might. Those who are tired find someone stronger to lean on. Those who might have wanted to try out a different interpretation hear a comparison version in wholehearted unison, and not a delivery lacking in quality because of inadequate participation.

It shames me that I realize the implications of this rule, and yet so often fail to apply them to my life. Why is it that I find it such a simple matter to say YES to a man, and so challenging to remember to say YES to God?

Yes.

When God asks something of you, the answer is always YES. A joyous yes. A loving yes. A yes even when the wisdom of the request is not apparent, because without unity, we can never fulfill our purpose as a community, to sing out our bright chorus of praise to all the people of the earth. Is that not what a faith or a choir is for?

It is true that YES should be given for love alone, and not out of hope or fear. Maybe this is where I falter. God seems so big and unknowable at times, and my yes seems so pathetically unimportant that it shrivels into a maybe, or a not really, not right now, actually-no-but-thank-you-anyway. It’s hard. We all know it can be hard. And while God loves us and desires for us this glorious station of servitude, He doesn’t need for us to embrace it. We do, only we don’t feel like much worth embracing.

But it’s easier for me to remember my section, remember my choir. If I can say a little yes, my neighbor can say it too. My yes gets louder, and a class of young children discovers that there is more to life than what they see on TV. My yes gets bigger, and is joined by the affirmations of thousands of other individuals, all struggling together to build the Kingdom of God on earth. I can do for the love of them what I can’t imagine while thinking of my fearful little self.

YES.

I can see it coming.

YES.

We are rehearsing for a golden age.

YES.

I can hear the choir, one voice falling into tune, another finding the chord from it, learning the melody, learning the beat, until someday the whole world raises its hands up in praise and proclaims to the glory of God:

YES.

New Baha'i Blog

2006-04-07T17:54:00.000-06:00

I keep thinking all these thoughts about the Baha'i world that I want to blog about, but the audience of my livejournal is mostly there for news updates on my life. Religious dysentery-of-the-mind was not in the job description. On the other hand, I hade locking entries, because it feels like I'm excluding some people and not others.

Therefore, I won't be telling anybody about this new blog, reserved exclusively for my Faith-related posts. If anyone really needs to hear what I say, I leave it in God's hands.

Hear that? Ball's in Your court. Just so You know.